Birth of an atheist
Born into a very orthodox and religious family, I was made to believe that God was an essential part of our lives. And every act of ours needs to follow set guidelines underlining this belief. When something good happened in my life, I thanked God for his magnanimity, and when misfortune befell me, I somehow found faults in myself which made me worthy of the ill luck. The hard work, the commitment and sacrifices which helped me achieve what I had, was never given a second thought. I was under the strong impression that God had done all this for me. My complete faith in God was fine when the going was good.
But all turned topsy-turvy when bad luck struck. I was forced to tread along a dark path in my life. But again my strong faith in God came to my rescue. I strongly believed that He had something special designed for me. And I believed that the misfortune I faced was just a precursor to something grand and beautiful reserved for me by God. I waited and waited for that grandness for years on end. Nothing happened. I gritted my teeth and bore all misfortunes, waiting for my God and his showering of blessings. They never came.
It was then that I went into a detailed analysis of my life. Whenever I was about to take a major decision in life, I turned to God for his consent. I always believed that He would guide me in case the decision I was about to take was wrong. I always took the silence as consent from God. But it turned out that all the decisions were wrong and God helped me never. The revelation came as a shock - as you sow, so shall you reap. Whatever we get to experience is purely the result of our acts. That includes our career, financial situation, family and even health. When you are true to your career, giving your full self into it, you will be successful in your career. A calculated and careful use of your financial resources will take you a long way and so will your family and health. Its durability and strength depends on what you do with them. You abuse your body, resorting to overindulgence and turn to God when something bad happens to you. God cannot help you. He is not a magician. You do what is necessary for your well-being, and you need no God to help you.
We have always been told that God is like our father. To him all of his creations are equal. If so why don’t we see any equality on earth? Why is one section of the society superior to the other? Why is one section of the society healthier than the other? Why doesn’t one section of the society have a good family, children, etc. while the other has? And why are innocent animals made to suffer the same way as human beings, if God is there to protect them?
New information I gained on ancient aliens did little to alleviate my situation. I chanced upon a television programme about proofs from all over the world on the visits of aliens to earth so many millennia back. I became an ardent viewer of that programme and got greatly interested in the subject. Since many questions on the existence of God had already started gnawing at me, it was a timely enlightenment. The more I learnt about this theory, the more I was convinced that the Gods we call by different names are very possibly aliens, who are technically advanced and intelligent than humans many times over. If this is true, then these Gods are interested in only keeping the humanity alive. Our individual problems are ours to deal with - Which explains the discrepancies while meting out justice to all creatures on earth.
I don’t know whether I am relieved by my new knowledge. Now when I have to face a difficult situation, I am suddenly reminded that I have to deal with it myself. It may be making me stronger and independent, but the realization that I don’t have an Almighty to submit myself to, believing strongly that that force will see me through the situation, is appalling. But I still pray to Him every day and every moment of my life (I strongly believe in the scientific connotations of ‘Ohm’ and Lord Shiva), knowing fully well that I am praying to myself. My God is within myself, as my inner strength, determination and everything Godly.